Memories and Your Health: Thinking vs. Writing

happy adult thinkingWhen it comes to staying healthy, we’ve all heard it before. You know: eat a sensible diet, exercise regularly, and get 8 hours of sleep every night. But did you know that reminiscing about the positive events in your life may actually improve your overall health?

When I recently stumbled across a back issue of Reader’s Digest, the article, “How Nostalgic, Happy Thoughts Make You Healthier: Boost your mood, ward off loneliness, and strengthen family bonds—all by thinking about your favorite memories” by Lauren Gelman (August 2013) immediately caught my attention.

The Claim

The article stated that “Loyola University researchers discovered that thinking of good memories for just 20 minutes a day can make people more cheerful than they felt the week before.” I’m not a medical expert, but it sounds plausible to me. Why wouldn’t I feel happier after thinking about good memories?

This claim might help explain why people love to tell their stories. My clients often tell me how much they look forward to our next session. I had previously assumed it was because each of our meetings meant that they are moving one step closer to completing their goals, but perhaps part of it is also because our sessions revisit some of their favorite events and make them happier. (Disclaimer: I also encourage my clients to relate difficult moments of their lives so they can share critical life lessons to their readers, but I always strive to strike a balance between their positive and negative experiences. And generally, something good eventually comes from a bad experience as well).

The Debate

The part of the article that I disagree with, however, is its advice to not write down those memories. It states: “‘There’s a magic and mystery in positive events,’ study author and psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, told the magazine. ‘Analyzing the details—by writing them down—may remove some of that wonder.’”

Again, I’m not an expert nor do I have statistical data to back me up, but I believe that writing a memory allows you to extend your reminiscence, which in turn extends the duration of your happiness. While details might remove some of the wonder, I believe it’s much more important to document your experiences not only for your own temporary happiness and well-being, but also to ensure that a part of you – your memories and what’s most important to you – is preserved for future generations.

Thus, when you write your memories, you can reap physical and emotional rewards, and educate others in the process.

What do you think? Weigh in on the debate in the comments section!

From Start to Finish – How to Accomplish Your Writing Goal

Quill Pen - iStockphotoLet’s face it. Writing can be hard, especially finding the time to pen a literary masterpiece. I recently came to the conclusion that it’s a lot like running an endurance race.

Three weeks ago I completed my first half marathon. With a milestone birthday looming, I decided that I needed to accomplish something monumental before the big day. So I selected something popular in my area: a distance race.

The lessons I learned leading up to and during that event apply equally well to writing. First, you need a plan. I didn’t simply show up at the race expecting to run 13.1 miles without any preparation. No, I endured a four-day per week running schedule for seventeen weeks. The same is true with writing, whether you’re blogging, composing your memoir, or writing a fictional novel:

  • Develop a writing schedule – determine the time of day, how many days a week, and the duration of each writing session.
  • Document your schedule – obviously, there will be days that something unexpected happens, but visually seeing the writing sessions on your calendar lends mental credibility, responsibility, and motivation.
  • Notify others – Whether it’s your spouse, kids, a next-door neighbor and/or several close friends, let them know your writing schedule. This not only prevents them from unintentionally calling or dropping by while you’re writing, but it also enables them to encourage you throughout the writing process.

Second, you need to implement the plan. The previous points won’t do you any good if you don’t actually apply them. If all I had done was write down my training schedule and tell my friends that I was training for a race, I never would have crossed the finish line. Why? Because I would have neglected the most important aspect: hitting the pavement and actually running. Believe me, there were many days that it was raining, or it was windy, or I simply didn’t feel like running. But I did it anyway. I had a goal, and I kept my eyes on the end result. I have found that to be true with my writing as well. When I have writer’s block or I’m unusually busy (such as the current holiday season), I tend to find excuses why I shouldn’t write as planned. However, I have learned through experience that it’s ultimately more rewarding, and the process goes much more smoothly, when I type regularly.

Third, work gradually but steadily. When I began my running schedule, I was only going two miles at a stretch. Every two weeks, I gradually increased the mileage until finally I was able to run the full 13.1 miles on race day. If you feel overwhelmed and/or don’t know where to start, just write something – anything. Simply write down whatever first pops into your head – it will inevitably lead to additional ideas. You might find that you’re only able to write in small blocks of time, but if your schedule allows, try to plan nonessential activities after your writing time. This gives you the freedom to continue writing past your designated timeframe on days when your creative juices are overflowing.

Fourth, and finally, you need to finish. On race day, I was so nervous that I was tempted not to go. By mile ten, I was exhausted and wondering what in the world ever possessed me to attempt something so grueling. And throughout the last mile, as I woefully huffed and puffed my way to the finish line, a number of racers simply stopped running and walked the remainder of the course.  Yes, some may have had physical ailments that prevented them from running across the finish line, but undoubtedly some of them just gave up. This can be applied to writing as well. Sometimes we writers are our own worst critics. We may have labored over our work for weeks, months or years and yet at the end we hesitate submitting our work because we don’t consider it to be “good enough” for various reasons. Or maybe we’ve received multiple rejection letters, and we’re afraid of getting another one (or no response at all). If this describes you, I encourage you to continue to submit your work. Yes, rejection stings, but it’s also an opportunity to learn how to write better. Ultimately, isn’t that what we all want?

How do you schedule your writing time? What motivates you to continue writing? Please share your comments!

Back-to-School Reality
school building

Source: Creative Commons

Entering into the fourth week of the new school year, I finally have time to return to my blog. The flurry of end-of-summer activities and back-to-school preparations somehow always catch me off guard. This year, I had to double my efforts as my second child officially entered the school system.

As is customary for many children, my kids were filled with both excitement and trepidation on that first day of school. My oldest was excited only for the fact that he would be seeing his friends every day. My youngest was eager to be a “big” kid and see firsthand what “real” school (apparently, preschool did not count) was all about.

I planned to provide them with a great breakfast, get them there before the masses arrived, and take Pinterest-worthy photographs of their big day.  In reality, I overslept, fed them cold cereal, and broke the speed limit only to stand in line with a throng of other highly stressed parents and children as we endured the new security procedures. As for my post-worthy photos, I had to be content with a sour-looking expression from my oldest and a partially blurry image of my youngest as he moved with the crowd into the school.

Despite my failures and the chaotic start to their school year, they are enjoying it, making new friends, and they are creating memories. That realization got me to thinking about my own school memories. I do not vividly recall my very first day of school (not until college, anyway), but I do remember many other things. My education began with half-day kindergarten where making cottage cheese and playing instruments in music class come to mind. Elementary school was filled with wall-mounted pencil sharpeners, cleaning chalkboard erasers, cherry-bumping kids on the teeter-totter, spelling bees, learning multiplication facts in fourth grade, learning to play the clarinet, and being startled by the sudden THWAK of a serving spoon (wielded by the cafeteria monitor) hitting a lunch table to subdue the din caused by all six grades of students at one time in a combined gymnasium and cafeteria.

As for high school, I loved it. There are so many memories, I could write an entire book about them. Thus, when my personal history clients are having a difficult time knowing where to start or what to talk about, I often recommend discussing their school memories. No matter what their experiences – whether good or bad – they remember a great deal about their school years. That one topic includes a variety of categories (i.e., friends, teachers, rules, transportation, meals, discipline, sports, and classes) that can then lead to deeper discussions about the society and events of that particular era.

What about you? What are some of your school memories? Share them here in the Comments section, and be sure to document them privately for your family as well.

Top 5 Reasons to Preserve Family Stories
  1. Love Letter - iStockphotoNo one else can write a story about your life as accurately as you can. You know yourself better than anyone else. For example, family members probably know when you were born and married, and where you lived and worked.  But unless they directly ask you, they will have no idea what your childhood was like or what you were thinking during your first job interview.
  2. Reflection often brings better understanding of past experiences. Celebrate your accomplishments, but discuss the difficult aspects of your life as well. When we are in the middle of a difficult situation, we’re often in survival mode – focusing on how to get through the ordeal. It’s only afterward, sometimes years later, that we come to understand the meaning of the situation and how we grew from the experience. In addition, reminiscence is a growing trend that in some cases can improve cognitive functioning, reduce depression and increase self-esteem.
  3. It’s a way to impart your morals, values, hopes and dreams to future generations. Facts are important and serve a purpose, but being willing to go beyond the basics to share your advice and beliefs will impact others in a much more meaningful way. Be honest – wouldn’t it be nice to know that future generations will get to know you as a person, rather than just another name on the family tree or some face in a photo album?
  4. You have a unique connection to the past. Social norms, geographical locations and popular trends helped to shape your life. This is where photos, letters, memorabilia, recipes, awards and more turn your story into a one-of-a-kind historical artifact.
  5. You can become the link to the past for family members who are now deceased. Even though it may be too late to obtain a first-person interview with your great-grandmother, you can document your own memories of her and ask other family members to share their recollections of what she was like.
Avoid A Tragedy – Share Your Life Story
man with head in hands

Source: Creative Commons

Let’s face it: Life is chaotic and seems to move at warp speed. Every day we’re faced with myriad decisions, countless things to check off our to-do lists, work and family responsibilities … the list goes on. We fill our days to overflowing in a perpetual cycle. Rarely do we take the time to document our discoveries, joys, and challenges.

Although there are some who manage to carve out time to maintain a daily journal, and some who write about their travels, few sift through their volumes of notebooks to pinpoint strategic moments that helped to shape their lives and write about the lessons that they have learned. Yet this is what enables us to not only build our own character, but to also mentor and encourage those closest to us – even after we’re gone.

As a personal historian, I am privileged to gain access to the precious memories of my clients. One client in particular recognized the importance of documenting his story. He contacted me during the end stages of his battle with cancer. As with all of my clients, I met with him in the comfort of his home. As we sat in his office – he reclining in his La-Z-Boy and I seated in his leather armchair – he recounted his childhood in vivid detail. All I had to do was attentively listen and ask an occasional question for clarification. Remembering certain events and speaking of beloved people brought occasional tears to his eyes, and many times he would stop and say, “You know? I’ve never told my children about that.”

In fact, he had never told his children much at all about his life before their births. His adult life had revolved around providing for his family, and although he had been a very active father figure – coaching the children’s soccer teams and taking family vacations – he had never shared the lessons from his past. When he contacted me, he realized the importance of documenting his childhood and young adult life for his children and grandchildren. Unfortunately, he passed away before he was able to share all that he had intended to document. But his children are very grateful to now possess a book that contains a part of their father that they never knew before.

Don’t let the same tragedy happen to your personal history. Beginning your life story is as simple as selecting one major life event and writing about it. No matter how small or large the end result, your loved ones will cherish it.